Official Starting Weight

So I finally bought a scale, but not the one I wanted because I can't afford it right now :( It's decent but only weighs in 0.5 lbs increments which kind of sucks. This morning I weighed myself and it's worse than I thought. I'm not going to obsess about it though; I'm just going to keep focusing on the day when I will look down and see 105 on the scale. I know I can do this and I have enough time to lose the weight. I also took some 'before' pictures and I'll put them up when I've made some progress. So my official starting weight is...

173 lbs.

It's a huge, disgusting number and I hate it. I'm vowing to never see that number on the scale again. I'm going to lose this weight. I just have to keep thinking about being able to put on a bikini in May and feeling amazing, skinny and confident. 

I had kind of a hard day yesterday, went through a little food withdrawal. I really don't need it, I just want it. I want it for that 5 seconds of pleasure I get from it. But the short term happiness is never worth it. What I really want is to feel good about myself again. I want to be free from this weight that is holding me back from enjoying life and making me hate myself. I want to find the real me again. And I will; I know I can do this. Luckily, I resisted my temptations for the day and spent the night hungry and proud of myself. In my french class, a girl brought chocolate cookies and chocolate chip banana bread and I wanted to kill her lol. But I didn't eat any and tried to ignore the smell of chocolate all around me. Failure is not even an option. I'm going to Hawaii in May and I'm going to be in a bathing suit everyday. I would not even wear shorts with the body I have now. Success is my only choice.

Yesterday 

B: Half a banana (45)

L: Bagel (300)

Kiwi (25)

D: Veggie burger (500)

Orange (62)

T:932 cal

Today

B: Nothing

L: 1 cup of carrot ginger soup (117)

4 crackers (48)

Small banana (90)

D:Veggie burger (500)
Orange (62)
Ginger molasses cookie :/ (250)

T: 1067 cal


I was not planning on the cookie, but I'm craving absolutely everything right now because it's almost that time of the month :( But I did some crunches, push ups, calf raises, butt exercises, etc. to try and make up for it a bit.

I decided to post some pictures of models/actresses with food because I always find them so wonderfully ironic lol. We all know what would happen if they actually ate like that...and since it's what I've been obsessing about 24/7 it seems fitting.