Thursday, August 25, 2011

So Chic.

CW: 162.6

So I'm writing to you guys from my favorite hotel in the city, counting down the hours until I get to see my boyfriend again (less than 24 hours) and pretty much loving life. The boutique hotel that I'm staying at is gorgeous, all antiques and beautiful bed linens. So chic. I majorly splurged (as far as calories) on dinner with my family but I have to say it was absolutely worth it. We went to the hotel restaurant and it was one of the best meals of my life. I'm feeling only slightly worried about the weight I'm going to gain over the weekend because I have a week and half before school starts to go hard at the gym and count calories again. It was just one of those meals that you can't really feel bad about eating because it was so damn good. It's not like ordering a greasy pizza and eating the whole thing yourself, although I'm sure the calories are pretty close lol. It's hard to feel bad about a baby spinach salad with blue cheese and pear, pan-seared scallops with green onion and lemon risotto, and dark chocolate ganache torte. Divine. And I didn't stuff myself either. I ate the whole salad because it was amazingg, but left some of the risotto and a bit of my dessert. It felt almost normal..besides the voice in the back of my head telling me how many workouts it's going to take to get off the weight I'm sure to have gained. But I pushed that aside and really enjoyed the meal and time with my family. 

Tomorrow I'm going to be walking around downtown shopping all day and I'm going to try to just have coffee, and some fruit and yoghurt. Then tomorrow night is dinner out again but the restaurant we're going to has some healthy options on the menu which I am going to stick to. I just have to keep telling myself that I will be able to get the weight off (plus a bit more I hope) before school starts. I'm going to try and enjoy the weekend with my family and my boyfriend before getting back down to business. For once I'm going to try and keep the crazy food obsessed thoughts at bay. I'll let you girls know how my shopping day goes tomorrow! 


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Anxiously Waiting.

CW: 163.0 

I'm happy about that weight. I feel better, I look better and I'm creating the life that I want for myself. I still have 48 lbs to go but it feels so good to be closer than I was yesterday. I'm anxiously waiting for a lot of things at the moment it seems. Anxiously waiting to see my boyfriend, who I miss like crazy, to see the 150's (that I also miss like crazy), to be settled into our new place...I'm not really excited for school to start but I want to get back into the routine of things. I feel like I'm in an in-between place right now. Going back and forth between here and there, constantly missing my boyfriend, too many trips to airports. I'm excited to have a home again. 

Yesterday my mom was out for the entire day which is usually a recipe for disaster...a perfect opportunity to binge like crazy or not eat at all. But I am proud to say that I didn't binge or starve, and stuck to my plan exactly! I went to the gym for an hour in the afternoon, made myself a healthy dinner, and woke up a whole pound lighter. The hard work is paying off, thank god. 

Unfortunately, I've been having a craving that has lasted for DAYS. When I go back home I'm going to be shopping downtown all day Friday until my boyfriend gets off work, and there is this amazing cupcake shop there. I've been craving my favorite cupcake like's vanilla and chocolate cake with peanut butter icing and chocolate chips on top. I'm considering having it for lunch but I'm hesitant because I have no idea what the calories would be. But if I have a light breakfast, cupcake for lunch, and a light dinner I would probably be okay. I don't know if it's going to make me feel like shit after though and want to eat everything in sight, or if I'll feel satisfied. Maybe if I don't have it I'll end up binging...but then again maybe I'll binge if I do. And all of this over a cupcake. Ugh I wish I wasn't so obsessed with food.

Question of the Day: What is your favorite skinny/healthy treat?

A: At the moment mine is Lindt Sea Salt Dark Chocolate. It's 100 calories for 2 squares and it's delicious! It totally curbs my sweets cravings and since dark chocolate is supposed to be good for you, I don't feel bad about eating it. 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Slow and Steady.

CW: 164.2

I'm still losing, slow and steady. I'm sure I won't make it to the 150's in the next week but I'm proud of how I've done. I really don't care how long this takes, I just need to keep heading in the right direction. I will lose this weight. I will be the tiny, cute girl I want to be. I will love my body and myself. Just keep going. 11.4 lbs down, 49.2 to go. 

I'm getting really excited/anxious to see my boyfriend. I can't even explain the feeling. It's getting so close the the date that I'm aching to see him. I cannot wait for our first night together in our new place. Ugh after 3 months apart you'd think a week would be easy, but it's going so slow. 

I tried on my jeans yesterday (size 12) and was happy to see that they are loose. I'm really hoping that I will be able to fit into a size 10 by next Friday when I got back to school shopping. I just really don't want to buy anything in a size 12 ever again!

Question of the Day: What item of clothing are you excited to look great in once you reach your goal weight?

A: For me, a big one is jeans. You can kind of fake it in dresses and skirts, but the truth comes out in a fitted pair of jeans. Can't hide much there. I really just want to be able to buy a tiny size and look tiny in them. Another thing I love is pretty lingerie. I want to be able to put on a sexy little outfit for my boyfriend and feel confident in it. I want to be able to walk around our apartment in undies and a T-shirt feeling tiny and pretty.

Sorry for the overload of thinspo today..there was nothing good on TV last night haha. Stay strong lovelies <3

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fuck Yeah.

CW: 164.8

I am so excited that I reached my first goal weight!! Now I really want to be my second goal weight or lower when school starts on September 7. That means I have 22 days to lose another 10 lbs, which I think I can do. I'm going to have to take a few days off from the gym while we're moving but hopefully I can just eat as little as possible and still lose. I'm going down to stay with my boyfriend on Thursday August 25, and we are moving on that Saturday. I can workout on Thursday morning before my flight but I won't be able to from Friday-Sunday. On Monday I'm planning on going to get a gym pass and hopefully buying a new scale. The one me and my boyfriend has only weighs to 0.5 of a pound which is not gonna work for me now that I've had a good scale. But $50 is a lot of money...we'll see what he says. I also really want/need to buy a food scale. I wish we weren't broke students.

I'm actually kind of excited to go back to school, hopefully 20 lbs lighter. I just want to see if people notice, you know? I wish I had been doing this the whole summer and was going back at 135 though. But I feel better about myself and I'm on the right track to reaching my goals at least. I'm so anxious to see the 150's. Sometimes I worry that I'm still eating too much, that I'm not doing enough..."maybe if I just skip my snack I'll lose even more"...but I also know it's not healthy to eat less that 1200 calories. It's just hard not to slip into old habits.

Restricting and working out everyday has been so exhausting. I'm gonna go hard until school starts because I can just spend the rest of the day in bed if I want to but I'm worried about when classes do start. I'm going to try to keep this up but I can't be completely exhausted all the time when I'm in school. I'm going to try coffee and sugar-free red bull to counter act this but if that doesn't work I might have to cut down on my workouts. I'm scared to do that though because I don't want to get out of the habit or start putting it off. My boyfriend says he really wants to go to the gym when school starts so hopefully he can get me to go if I lose motivation. I just know how stressful and how much work school is, and I really hope I can keep up this lifestyle even with the added stress. I really want this. So badly. I've been looking at old pictures of myself at 130 for motivation. I don't even look like the same girl now. I need to get back there as quickly as possible. I'm really done looking like this. Please stay strong.

Question of the Day: When losing weight what is/was your most exciting milestone? (ex. reaching a certain number on the scale, seeing ribs/hipbones, fitting into a certain item/size of clothing)

A: For me it is hard to choose just one but there are a few moments that stood out to me when I got down to my lowest weight before. The first one was when I went into American Eagle and was able to fit into size 2 jeans. I remember the girl helping me was like "Are you sure you're not a zero, you're tiny!". Sigh. I miss that. Another big moment for me was when I looked down and saw 101.5 on the scale. It was lower than I ever thought I would get and I was so excited. 

Since today I'm celebrating crossing off my first goal weight, today's thinspo features balloons. And don't we all want to be as light as air?