Thursday, September 22, 2011


CW: 157.5
GW 2: -2.5
GW 6: -42.5

I'm sorry for neglecting you guys. I have been reading about your lives when I get a chance but life is busy. I don't get much time without my boyfriend around. I wanted to be at my 2nd goal weight before I posted again so I'm sorry for letting you down. I'll make it up to you with lots of awesome thinspo ;) The only reason I'm not already there is because I spend half the weekend drunk and eating crap. I still have 42.5 lbs to lose, I can't afford setbacks every weekend. I think I'm just going to stay home and watch movies with my boyfriend and study this weekend. I'm so anxious to get to 155 and beyond..I've been stuck here for a while. I'm still sticking to around 1200 calories a day and I've been doing an hour of elliptical 6 days a week. I'll add weights back in once I lose some weight, I just need to get some pounds off before I lose motivation. 

Thank you girls so much for your support on my last post, for not judging me. I'm glad I'm not alone and that there are people out there who understand. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about how I was feeling. I didn't tell him about the guy but I told him that I sometimes feel like we never got to be single and just have fun, that we maybe missed out on figuring out what we want. Well that didn't work. He bawled his eyes out. He's a pretty manly guy, 6'1, 190 lbs and he was laying in our bed crying. He was basically like I know your the one, I love you so much, I never want to lose you...I really don't know what to do. I love him, I know that much. But I also can't just ignore the fact that when I go out and drink I want to hook up with other guys. Today is going to be a tough day. I don't have any classes on Thursday, so I'm home alone all day. I just want to eat so I don't have to think. I want to be numb for a while. But I also want more than anything to be thin..maybe I can convince myself not to. Let's make a list, I'm a fan of lists.

I want to lose weight to:
1. Fit into clothes I haven't worn in ages
2. Feel confident and love my body
3. Look great in anything
4. Feel sexy naked
5. See a gap between my thighs and ribs through my shirt
6. See old friends and look amazing and thin
7. Hear "You're so skinny!"
8. Be able to wear a bikini
9. Have guys want me
10. Be confident enough to meet new people and make friends

I have so much homework to do but I'm so tired. I just want to curl up in bed and wake up when I'm thin. Here's some wintery thinspo. Maybe by winter I'll be skinny. Love you girls. 

1 comment:

  1. I'll have to try that drink you recommended, it sounds amazing :)
    Good luck with your boyfriend! I know how it feels.. I dated the same guy my freshman year of high school through my sophomore year of college...we broke up here and there because we never got the dating experience.... or "hook up" experience... I think it helped us at first but eventually I got bored with him and he didn't make me happy anymore. As much as it sucked i'm glad it happened. Love is such a hard thing to figure out. I've been dating my current bf for almost 6 months and am happier than I ever though possible while I was with my ex. You'll figure it out :) Just know that no matter what happens you WILL be happy in the end and things always do get better and work themselves out, even if it seems like it's taking a lifetime :)

    much love