Why is this so hard all of a sudden? I chose this, I wanted this. And I was so sure. Now...I'm not, I guess. Just thinking of all the things that will remind me of him makes me sad. I won't have him to laugh with, to tell about my day, to come home to. No one to turn to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely. But is he what I really want? I don't think so...I think I just want someone. I have to remind myself why I did this, that there was no spark left, we wanted different things, I'm not ready to settle down at 20...I couldn't stay faithful to him. Maybe I could have tried harder. I don't know. What I do know was that he was my life for 4 years. Now what? I just want to tell him how much I hate it all. That I'm sad and I want him to hold me and make everything okay. But I can't. It's over. I wonder if he still loves me. I wonder if I'll regret this one day or if I made the right decision.
I haven't been exercising lately but I haven't been eating a whole lot either. I think I've lost, I'll weigh myself soon. I'll get back to exercising sometime in the next couple days. When I go back to school, I have pretty much the perfect schedule. I don't start class until 1:00pm everyday so I'll go to the gym in the morning and get it over with. I'll also be able to eat lunch at home, which is nice. I hope this sadness passes soon. I hope I can hold back how I'm feeling about all this and just wait it out, see how it goes. Maybe one day we'll find our way to each other again. But for now I think this is the right thing. I hope it is.