I don't know how that happened. I haven't been exercising. Or watching what I eat. But I haven't gained. I think it's a gift, a second chance. I need to get back to basics, to what I really want. What I really want is to get to 115. What I really want is to go into a store, see something I like, grab a size small and look amazing. I've found my motivation again, and what I really want is to see thin in the mirror and lower numbers on the scale. Even though I haven't gained I'm miserable. I feel like a failure when I'm not working out and counting calories. I don't know who I am without that.
So what have I missed? I applied for a job at a clothing store, even got an interview. Haven't heard back from them yet but I'm really hoping I get the job. I basically want it so that I have money to shop. Right now I have enough money to go to school, pay the bills and buy groceries but I want to be able to buy the clothes that I want. I want a closet full of beautiful, tiny clothes that I look hot in. I'm not buying anything until I at least get to 145. That's the deal I made with myself. The only downside to getting the job is I will be super busy and I probably won't be able to go see my family over Christmas break :/ Living with the boyfriend has been going really well, although I did slip up once. I really love him, I'm going to try and make this work. I'm going to see my mom tomorrow. I'm so excited, I've missed her a lot. It's only for a few days though which sucks, I know I'm not going to want to leave.
I'm tired of maintaining, I want to see bones. It's time to get back to work. I know what I want now, and it's not this.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I've been lets say, not caring for the past two weeks. We both need to get back on track.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the job application!
I get what you mean with wanting to see bones. I want to but I can't lose too quickly because I have to go to the doctors next week and he'll get suspiciuos if I lose alot within a two week period.
Sweet lord, that picture makes me want to sell my body for shoes.
ReplyDeleteI'm half kidding...
Anyways, you're 5'3 and want to be a small. I'm 5'4, 135, and am a size small in most places. Just saying, you will get there before 115. 115 is like an xs for sure! Whatever blows your dress up, right? Much love doll, so damn nice to be back!
You'll get there hun, if you want it enough you will get there!
ReplyDeleteSi xx