My dream..

I just want to be skinny.

I just want to be beautiful.

I just want to be irresistible.  

Is that too much to ask?

 

I have to do this.

So I've decided there is no choice here. I have to do this. I have tons of clothes in my closest that I want so badly to fit into again. Specifically a pair of dark skinny jeans and a hot red dress that I just bought for going out. I need to be able to go and buy a sexy fitted dress and not have to worry about my body. I want to be proud of it. I want to be confident, happy, beautiful, smart. I just want to be as close to perfect as I can get and the fact that I'm not moving in the right direction right now is stressing me out. After tomorrow I have 2 weeks with no exams, no assignments. I'm going to focus hard on losing weight and I'm going to do it. I'm going to get to 150 and beyond. I'm going to get myself to where I want to be and I'm going to be happy again. I don't want to go back, I need to move forward. No looking back. You have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans. 

Losing it.

School is killing me. I'm living off 4 hours of sleep a night and I can't stop eating. I haven't weighed myself in days. I'm losing control, it's slipping away...help me, catch me before I fall into a depression of fat and failure. I feel too helpless and too far gone to get back on track. I'm losing it.